on a school trip and i feel absolutely retarded. i just miss so many social cues and i'm sure that people were thinking "what the hell is her problem"

our group was at a restaurant and i completely missed the fact that they'd called my name with my order (because i am a retard) and then i went off to ask for confirmation on whether my name was called (it was) and then i just had to shuffle painfully towards the front to get my food. that was absolutely horrible. 

that was so humiliating and embarrassing. it basically made me look dumb and like i had no awareness of my surroundings whatsoever. i really wish that someone would lobotomize me so i wouldn't be able to think so much and just absolutely ruminate on things (myself) being embarrassing and weird and horrible. i wish my brain wasn't like this and that i could just act normal and not so afraid and worried and ashamed about everything.

atleast i have my earbuds with me so i can enjoy the chemical brothers...